Tantric Sex for Beginners

The Mysterious Origin

Interestingly, it can be hard to pin down the origin of this sacred sex practice. It's believed to have originated from religious practices and ideas. For example, the earliest tantric practices may have involved generating body fluids to offer up to tantric deities. Or it may have started as an initiation ritual among clans that valued fertility or sexual enlightenment. What can be said for certain is that it has roots that can be traced to the eastern religions of Hinduism and Buddhism.

In Hinduism, sex serves one of three purposes. It's either for procreation, pleasure, or liberation. Tantric sex comes into play when one is seeking that third purpose: liberation. By elongating the sexual experience and focusing on the energies present, rather than the end goal of orgasm, it's believed that one can achieve more enlightened and better forms of consciousness.

The purpose in Buddhism, Vajrayāna Buddhism specifically, is actually a bit different. Since a common tenet of Buddhism is to overcome most or all forms of desire, sometimes tantric sex can be practiced in an attempt to drain the desire of its allure and mystery, or to channel energies and move them into different “chakras”. But this practice is not taken lightly. For example, if one uses the techniques to simply achieve personal pleasure and orgasm, it's believed that they might risk cycles of rebirth in Hell or suffer mental illness.

In America, tantric sex is rather in opposition to the philosophy of asceticism. Asceticism is defined as “severe self-discipline and avoidance of all forms of indulgence, typically for religious reasons.” Though this discipline is seen in Buddhism, in the West it's carried out a bit differently. Instead of engaging sex at all, followers might try to replace it instead with prayer or religious rituals. If taken a step further, there is stoicism which clings to a belief that the flesh and worldly desires are actually innately evil. Sex is then often demonized and a dualism is created between the self and sex. 

Asceticism in the West is most commonly observed in a couple of branches of Christianity, including forms of Catholicism. Priests and monks are commonly ascetic. But modern tantric practices demonstrate a unity between sexuality and the self. Practitioners generally believe that tantric sex can be used for spiritual enlightenment, for creating a deeper bond with their partner, or for gaining control over emotions and enhancing the positive ones. This is what makes it attractive to some Westerners, particularly married couples looking to make intimacy more intimate.

Step 1: Preparing Yourself 

Typically, preparing for tantric sex involves setting the scene and the mood. This can include:

• Lighting candles
• Spraying an area with pleasing fragrances
• Lighting incense
• Playing soft music

Since tantric sex is supposed to be a longer experience, people will often begin clothed. It's best to wear loose clothing that can be removed without much hassle. Some people also keep pleasing foods and snacks nearby, to feed each other while in the midst of the sexual practice. It's up to the individual, but chocolate covered strawberries, wine (though the goal is not to get drunk), water, or fruits are suggested. 

Next, couples might begin by sitting across from each other, gazing openly into each other's’ eyes. Or the couple may prefer to start out by relaxing in a shared bath, but refraining from any sexual petting just yet.

 Step 2: Preparing the Nerves for Touch 

Next, the partners might begin by brushing their fingers or the palm of their hand over their partner’s body, over erogenous zones without actually rubbing nipples or genitalia. This should heighten the nerves’ response to touch, increasing the sensitivity for stimuli.

Step 3: Awakening Chakras 

It's important to preface this with an understanding of what “kundalini” is, since this practice is meant to release kundalini energy. Taken from an article published in California Physics, “Hinduism dictates that kundalini is a serpent goddess who lies dormant at the base of our spine, coiled, waiting for us to unlock her energy through a combination of meditation, yoga, and selfless acts of love (among other things.)”

To awaken your chakras or energy meridians, there is a massage and breath technique here that is observed:

1.  Begin with both partners rubbing around their nipples in circular motions for 9 long breaths.
2.  The circular massage is then moved downward to the ribs for 18 breaths.
3.  Then toward the end of the ribs for 27 breaths. 
4.  Then between the ribs and navel for 36 breaths. 
5.  Then just below the navel with both hands for 45 slow breaths.
6.  Continue to do the same just above the pubic bone for 63 breaths. 
7.  Massage your genitals for 72 breaths. 
8.  Finally, massage just behind the genitals for 81 breaths. Notice the sequences of nine with the breath. It's done this way because there are nine chakras. 

There are further techniques that can be utilized to awaken your sexual energy, found in this article.

 Step 4: The Maithuna Position 

This is the most commonly known position utilized in tantric sex. “Maithuna” is the Sanskrit word for “sexual union within a ritual”. When you’re ready to merge your sexual energies, the man will sit cross legged and the woman will lower herself onto his lap, allowing him to penetrate her. In this position she can rock gently back and forth, or he can help guide her with his hand around her back.

In this position, the point is to be selfless and give without expectation. Look lovingly into each other’s eyes. Partners should try to match each other’s breathing rhythm. If climaxing arises, one or both partners can pause to allow the pleasure to pass through, before continuing.

The goal is to rid oneself of the goal to orgasm. Take turns practicing touch that is gentle and nurturing. Caress one another’s faces. Focus on the union taking place and enjoy that union.

In a Nutshell 

Tantric sex is as much a philosophy as it's a technique. The philosophy also varies a bit depending on who you ask. But overall, it's meant to be nurturing and selfless. It's meant to create a deeper bond and to help you reach new spiritual heights. Now that you have the basic tools, you can get started and put them to use!